Excuses Demyx's Story
by WaitingWatching
Summary: Some people have been upset by Demyx's character change, so this is here so he can Excuse and Justify what he did... *Fails at Summaries* Please Read! And Review! No Yaoi.


Excuses

WARNING- This contains slight spoilers for 358/2 days. Mainly it is opinion and guessing, but if any of it is actually right then I don't want flames. They will be used to cook marshmellows and then beaten out with a carpet.

My name is Demyx. And that's all I have at the moment. Those five letters, strung together to make a word that has labelled me. It is the name given to me when I was born, but not the first name I've had. Well, I suppose that would depend on who you spoke to, but that is no longer relevant.

I can't tell you much about the present or the future. I don't know where I am, and am ignorant of where I am going. The past, however, I hold in no high regard and I doubt it'll have any effect on me anymore. So, the past I can tell you about. You might even find it interesting...

When I was reborn and named Demyx, I was promptly initiated into the Organization, a group of Nobodies- people without hearts- searching for a way to complete themselves. I didn't realise I was now a Nobody; I had been told that they couldn't experience emotions and I felt mine in as clarity as I remember my Other doing. I couldn't see the difference in all honesty, I only looked a little  
different from the person I used to be and all I had to go on was the word of a group of people that had practically kidnapped me. But I was always quite, well, _lazy_ in anything but my music, and this world actually seemed better than the one I had just left. So I settled down to my new 'family' and went about getting myself accepted by my rather bizarre new companions, and building alliances and friendships. I loved being with people and knowing that people liked me, so I managed to get on good terms with everyone very quickly. They were all confused originally, probably because of my obvious emotions that they considered non-existent, but where somehow too real to deny. But I won them all and could convince them to do anything with me- the quietest to sing with my sitar and the most secluded to play Twister. When other members came I didn't worry because they all accepted the way I was without question. I like to think that I kept them happy, kept them hoping. And we all hoped, back then.

But then everything started to fall apart, a few days after the thirteenth member, Roxas, joined. We'd been friends, me and Roxas, along with Axel the Organizations 8th. But then Xion joined and our friendship split at the seams with her taking my place in the threesome. That was when it all began going wrong. Axel left with the others to go to Castle Oblivion...

_I am the only one that has come to see the others off. The reason is that I'm not technically supposed to be here; no one is. But these guys are my friends I couldn't let them go without saying goodbye. Axel, Larxene, Marluxia, Vexen, Lexaeus and Zexion all stood in a broken circle on the centre platform, directly in front of where their thrones where. They all were looking at Xemnas who was still seated in his throne. I was hiding behind my own. The Superior told them that he would be sending 'the Witch' after them in two days so that they had time to adjust to new surroundings. He expected them to complete their mission swiftly and to return upon its completion. Without waiting for their responses, he called up a Corridor of Darkness and my friends recognised their dismissal. They left one by one and just as the hem of Larxene's cloak disappeared, I ran from my hiding place and into the dissipating portal before it could close, or my Superior could stop me. As a result I smashed right into the Savage Nymph._

Hastily I leapt off her wriggling form, and pulled her up. I wasn't sure whether or not she'd kill me; her mood and reactions are difficult to predict. I sometimes find her quite frightening. As it was today she gave me a shocked, despairing look and immediately started insulting my intelligence and someone's mother. Apparently I should never have come after them, and what the hell was I doing here? I told her that I couldn't let them all go without saying goodbye and if I'd said so at the other  
Castle, Xemnas would have killed me to death.

Axel called me a douche and said I shouldn't risk my non-existence for stupid sentiments, but he said it with a flattered grin, so I figured I was off the hook. I grinned nervously at the others and wondered if they were going to shout at me or send me back to the Castle That Never Was. None of them did, and Larxene gave me a rare and much appreciated smile. She had only smiled twice in her entire non-existence as a Nobody; she usually only smirked or laughed in a sadistic way. She wasn't all cruel. She once told me when she thought I was sleeping (Don't take that the wrong way, it was only after a long and complicated story involving her hairbrush being thrown at high velocity towards a nerve in the back of my neck) that the only reason she acted the way she did because she was frightened of the way everyone would treat a _girl__ if she came across as weak. I suppose they were well funded fears, even though I couldn't imagine her ever being afraid of anything- like I said, she scares me. I looked at everyone in turn and gave them all a warm smile. 'You all come back alive, okay?'- I told them sternly. They all looked surprised I cared. That is one of the downsides of Kingdom Hearts- when you are connected to it as a Nobody you have almost countless hearts, and all of the can break. And they still don't feel like they are truly yours...Anyway that was one of the times that I could feel a heart, somewhere, shatter. But they all nodded and I turned to leave. I felt someone catch my arm  
and I looked back. It was Axel, asking me if I could talk to him. I said yes, and he pulled me off down a white corridor out of the view and hearing of the others. He asked if I honestly meant what I said about them all coming back alive. I was shocked and said of course. He winced which frightened me. Touching his arm, I asked his name in a soft confused tone._

"Axel...?"

"Demyx, I was given this order. Saix, he..."

He never finished his sentence, because it was then that Marluxia appeared and pulled me away. He wanted to talk to me too. He said it was a secret. He had plans to take over the Organization, he told me. He wanted to get rid of Xemnas. That frightened me to, though I privately thought that Xemnas was wrong with his orders, methods and beliefs. But I've said before that I am lazy, and I didn't hate the way things were, and besides, Xemnas was far to be clever to be tricked. The Graceful Assassin spoke of great thing; speaking to the Key Bearer, telling him that they would assist in the extermination of the heartless in return for Kingdom Hearts when it was completed... and the deaths of our Superior and his 'pet' Saix. That's when I say Axel, listening behind us. His emerald eyes were dark and I suddenly remembered that he and the 'pet' used to be best friends. And if there was one thing I knew about Axel, it was that his was loyal to his friends. Marluxia didn't notice and quickly finished his plan. Something about Larxene, but by this point I was more afraid than I had been. As the pink haired man left to search for Larxene, I ran to Axel.

"What where you saying? About Sa-"

"It doesn't matter" he gave a fake, bright smile. "It doesn't matter Demyx. Goodbye"

And I was forced back into a portal. The knowledge that the members were rarely nice to each other, really only to me, jerked me back to reality with a painful judder in my chest. And I was afraid.

I tried to look out for Roxas for a while, but now he was all wrapped up with the girl, Xion, and I rarely saw him. With both my friends out of the picture, I was left feeling miserable and underappreciated. While I understood why Axel could not be here, I felt bitter at being replaced by some new kid. Then Roxas became ill, almost fatally, that's what Xemnas told us. I saw nothing of Xion all the time our friend was gone. Then Axel returned.

The hours that followed where the worst of my life- non-existent or otherwise. Five of my friends were dead. When Axel told me, I didn't see the guilty expression on his face nor did I hear the stammer in his words. I was already running to the Proof of Existence. Five tombs bathed me in burning red light- later I would think that maybe they were lamenting the reason for the death- and through my tear blurred gaze it reminded me of Fire. Distraught, I went to search for Axel, seeking company and reassurance. I did not find him, but almost immediately came across both Xigbar and Xaldin both talking in urgent hushed tones. They were also both several meters in the air- resumably in an attempt to avoid detection. Understandably, the both heard me come in, and looked down at me with evident shock at what was to them a fake emotional display. Xigbar plummeted at a ridiculous speed down to my level and patted my shoulder in an uncharacteristically uncertain way. He asked me what was wrong. I told him he was stupid, what the hell did he think was wrong? Then I watched him back up hands in the air- perhaps I was angrier than I thought. This finished me and a new wave of hysteria overcame me.

_As fresh tears fall, I ask both the saddened Xigbar and silent Xaldin, how they can be so calm. They'd lost friends too- Zexion, Vexen and Lexaeus. They had been close. Xigbar sighed and shot a glance at Xaldin._

_  
"We can't be upset, dude" Xigbar tells me softly. "No hearts remember?"_

"It doesn't hurt you know"

That sounded so strange and out of context that my tears slow as I try to make sense of what Xaldin had said. The Lancer told me in a voice so unlike his usual one, tired and broken. He says that he doesn't let himself care, he makes himself believe that he can't care for the ones that have died. And so he does not. This way, he explains, it does not hurt.

I chose to follow his lead. Become a thorn to protect the rose inside. I went back to the Proof of Existence once more and forced myself to stand there to pay last respects to my dead friends, before I snapped the relationships forever. I did not cry.

The rest of my non-existence I made it clear that I did not care about the failure at Castle Oblivion. It was so painful to know that they only ever came up a few times, in passing, and when they did I made out I did not care. When I was officially told that the Oblivion Team had been mainly terminated, I just commented that it was a pity that it was a failure. Well not in so many words, but I digress.

As I've said, it was so very painful to acknowledge the lack of attention to the failed mission. But bearable. I mean, I couldn't feel that kind of pain, the emotional kind, could I? I was a nobody. I later made out I was glad that Larxene had died at the Key Bearers hands. It was so easy to remember the ways she could be hated rather than the good qualities I'd searched for when I was still clutching to my existence, and the Past. That was the turning point I think- implying I hated someone I had considered a friend after they had been murdered in the process of trying to reach our goal; gaining their hearts and mine.

More happened as I lost my remaining humanity. Xion and Roxas both left, to Axel's chagrin. I didn't care much anymore. I was living through each day, and no longer really cared for our goal or my own survival. If I faded then the nightmares would surely stop. I didn't bother with fighting and repeatedly skipped missions and faced little consequences. Then the Keyblade bearer woke up.

_I waited with the remaining members of the Organization in Hallow Bastion to meet Sora-----_

_  
----- After being given a mission to attempt to reawaken my old friend that resides in the 'Chosen One's', I went to the Underworld to wait for him. But first, I snuck up Mount Olympus and stole the Olympus stone- to give myself an edge... So that is what I am now. Just a common thief. The brunette boy that looked so like Roxas ran into the chamber I was waiting in, with his two companions. I pulled down my hood and made a half hearted- less than that actually- attempt to wake my old friend._

"Wait a sec- Roxas?"

Nothing happened and I didn't bother trying again. Roxas was happier where he was, I thought. I decided it was no use and then decided to alert Roxas and/or Sora to what I was going to do next... Use aggression to liberate his true disposition__

We fought and I tried even less than usual. When I received a painful blow to the shoulder, I backed up, dismissing my sitar. As a parting shot I called-

_  
"Roxas, come back to us" In a disinterested fashion, before absorbing myself in a portal._

The next time I saw they key bearer was my last. I tried to keep everything light hearted, even when the kid insulted me. But my patchy resolve shattered when the threesome told me that I had no heart. It was a tender subject, because I still believed so much that I did somewhere and so did all the Nobodies. All the things I'd done crashed down on me and my mind flashed back to when I thought the problems had begun. Although I couldn't pin point it at the time, I knew in my soul that it was connected to Roxas and Sora, so turning to face them I said bitterly.

_  
"Silence traitor"_

And sealed my fate.

I can remember now who's fault I thought it was. Xion's. I don't know why I forgot her, but I don't particularly care (Nor do I think it is still her fault, I am wiser and better informed now) I can remember her now in this world of nothing, which is why I am able to account her time with us in the Organization. I wonder if it is because if of the world of nothingness I am now in. I think that is where I am. It is cold and dark and I am all alone. But maybe the other fallen are here, maybe I can find them. Tell them that I am so sorry and I never meant anything I said or did. Maybe they'll forgive me. Maybe they aren't here.

My name is Demyx. And now I'm searching for something more.


End file.
